Maddy,
I could talk about all the fun things we did and I
could talk about all the daily arguments and temper tantrums there
were. I mean it was bad this summer and I felt like I failed you at
every turn whether it was losing my temper in response to you losing
yours or not being patient when you obviously had reasons for being so
upset. It just killed me that I couldn’t get to the bottom of those
reasons and help you. I think you are smart beyond your age and it’s
hard to reconcile your thoughts and emotions sometimes. I think you are
incredibly emotional and dramatic, which I’m sure you’ll put to great
use one day. I could go on and on with my parenting fears and doubts,
but instead I’m going to talk about our last day of summer. Today was
perfect! It was exactly what we needed to end this emotional summer: we
dropped Andrew at daycare, came home and hung out for a bit and then got
our toes done! You held my hand in the spa chair and we talked and
laughed. We then ate Firehouse
Subs and had a fabulous dance
party in your room. After that we went to a movie. We didn’t argue at
all and we laughed so much my stomach hurt! We reminisced about your
career choices over the years: airplane driver, geologist, famous dj,
nanny and now a nanny and mathematician at the same time!
It’s
days like today where we connect and I realize that we do have the
relationship that I’ve always prayed for. We just have a lot of
obstacles that get in the way of it and make it difficult ( you having
to help with brother, being forced to do chores and reading, not getting
your way, to name a few). But the foundation is there and I vow to not
let anything permanently harm our relationship. Every day will not be
perfect like today and that’s ok. As long as you know I’m always here
for you no matter what and we end up best friends on the other side of
your growing up I can handle anything that comes my way now. I love you
more than I can express in words!
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